“I’ve Been the ‘Employee of the Month’ Twice and I don’t even work there” – John Pinette

famous comedian john pinette performing in a show

I love John Pinette and his brand of comedy- nice, simple, and elegant. It doesn’t hurt that so much of it revolves around food, which I am naturally drawn to, like a moth to a flame.

One comedy sketch of his is just the best – Get out of the line! Highly recommend watching it if you haven’t.

In bashing (in a very endearing style) the slow waiters, baristas, and budget customers, he mentions jumping behind the counters to work the fries just so the queues would move faster. 

“I have been the employee of the month twice, and I don’t even work there,” John Pinette says in his classic, playful manner while the audience guffaws. 

Now, I have been in one of those slow queues, way more than I would like, and every time I take a chance on the neighboring line that seemed to move faster up until the second I jumped to it, it freezes. 

Murphy’s law isn’t a theory, folks. It’s about as real as it gets. For people who don’t know what the Murphy Law is, here it goes:

“Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

Try any grocery store. Any store in a decent-sized town. 

Mr. Murphy was born to impress.

The image of a customer jumping on to stand behind the counter to serve is too funny AND complex for my little brain to process. A person such as that must really have a fire lit under their behind to be switching their role over from customer to employee. 

Not to mention a streak of control freakishness, some degree of samaritanship, and maybe a little altruism.

A minute ago, they had the easier job – hearing everyone list down everything wrong with the world – society, aging, control freak families, the age of robots, and long queues. A solid camaraderie that will last them a total of 10 minutes and 30 seconds, equalling the time of the wait till their turn. 10.5 minutes of free therapy right there. 

You get your groceries, and the relief from the mini go at the catharsis. Unlike the waiter at the nearby restaurant, they can’t pee in your soup. 

No blowback whatsoever.

And then assuming that there is a world where it’s a real option to jump behind the counter and work the fries, I wonder how many of those complaining activists from back in the queue would have it in them to do that? 

Even if they had the option, would they like to? 

Arleen Lorrance once said – 

“Be the change you want to see happen.”

I have major flaws, including but not limited to switching queues over and over despite uncountable demonstrations of the truth of Murphy’s law. 

But I don’t think you will ever see me complain, nor would you ever see me jump behind the counter and work the fries. I can’t seem to pick a side. 

So naturally, I turn to Henry Powell Spring’s sagacious advice:

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those, who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.

Now that the oil is hot might as well work the fries.

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