Friends of Words

Tag: Humor

Let’s put a smile on that face!

  • Have You Ever Had Yourself a Bazinga! Moment?

    Have You Ever Had Yourself a Bazinga! Moment?

    There is a good chance that you would have heard about Big Bang Theory, and I don’t mean the scientific phenomenon that formed our universe, but the famous American TV series. You probably would have seen it too. 

    And if you have, you either loved it or hated it immensely. For some reason, there are only opposites for this one. 

    Either way, there is a good chance you might have come across Sheldon Cooper’s classic ‘Bazinga!’

    Sheldon Cooper, a genius but socially awkward theoretical physicist, revels in his ability to pull what he calls ‘practical jokes’ on his friends by saying ‘Bazinga!’ after a false statement.

    The Bazinga is supposed to be surprising the somewhat confused victim. 

    a screenshot of a scene of bazinga from big bang theory
    A Bazinga moment from The Big Bang Theory

    So why the sudden rant?

    On one of the days when my willpower defeated the electromagnetic force of attraction between me and my couch (and Netflix), I stepped out on a glorious summer day with a tote bag with a book in it. 

    Today’s the day I will have tea and croissant, sit in a corner, and slowly sip my tea while it turns juice cold while making sure that the superpowers vested in me by the God of Klutz, I don’t spill a single drop on my book. 

    I envy infants/ little kids sometimes; they can wear bibs in public without being embarrassed about it. There is glory in being able to spill things and still walk around without a care in the world. 

    So here I am, reading away, mainly concentrating on my book, when suddenly I hear a song being played. 

    Now, this little joint always plays songs, and for some reason, I end up going there when they are playing The Weeknd’s latest. 

    But this time, it’s different. This is not your traditional song. This is a song from a faraway country that my parents call their own. 

    I remember it because I have seen them playing it at home. I know all the lyrics. ‘Well, this is a pleasant surprise,’ I mumble and go back to my reading.

    Five sentences down, I am distracted again—this time by the server at the cafe singing at the top of his voice. 

    Lo and behold! 

    It’s the same song. 

    Typically, I won’t be surprised, but I am now. This guy speaks an entirely different language, not the one the song is in. He doesn’t know what the words mean, but he doesn’t care. Not a care in the world. 

    I feel a sharp pang of jealousy that quickly converts into shame and regret. 

    I know what the words are; I know what they mean, hell! I even have all the lyrics memorized, but I wouldn’t dare to sing that in public.

    And it’s not because I can’t sing, Mind you, I can; I pride myself in being a slightly better upgrade from your typical bathroom singer. 

    I don’t sing because, for some reason, I care about other people and what they would think about me if I did.

    They would judge me to be using a language that’s alien to most here. 

    They would brand me a freak and look at me with pity or disgust from the corner of their eyes. Speaking to each other in hushed tones about me. 

    I’m not too fond of the limelight, definitely not of this kind. So I take the easy way out. 

    But that easy way isn’t easy anymore. This random stranger has opened my eyes to a truth I don’t want to see, and it’s a sharp jab to the soul. I am patiently waiting for him to make a mistake with the lyrics, which could be a salve to the ache I am feeling. 

    But No! The damned guy knows the lyrics perfectly! I hate him. I am almost tempted to ask him where he learned everything, but I stop myself. 

    When I have 50 more pages to finish before this edge-of-the-seat thriller ends, do I really want to spend time on small talk? 

    There is no clear answer, but I consider the episode a one-off, myself Bazinga’ed, and move on.

  • Before the Wedding by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Review

    Before the Wedding by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Review

    Unmarried girls are crazy to get married, but they are the only ones, because it is no good at all. I’m married, I should know. Give it time; you’ll see for yourself.

    If you are interested in reading plenty of (good) advice like the one above, you should pick up Anton Chekhov’s short story called Before the Wedding. The story was first published in October 1880 in Dragonfly magazine. It is now available as part of a short story collection called Prank published by The New York Review books translated by Maria Bloshteyn.

    Before the Wedding: Summary and Plot Analysis

    The story opens with the marriage of Podzarylkins’s daughter to a collegiate assessor named Nazariev. Contrary to expectations around such a ceremony, the betrothal went without a hitch. The Podzarylkins’s daughter is entirely unremarkable, considers good spelling as the best intelligence one could have, and loves tall men and the name “Roland.” 

    The Podzatylkins’daughter is remarkable by the virtue of being completely unremarkable. Since no one has ever seen any evidence of her intellect, let’s not talk about it.

    Nazariev, on the other hand, fancies himself as a real ladies’ man, talks loudly, and doesn’t shy from recommending literature reading to almost every woman he meets. He does not make much money, barely enough to cover his tobacco expenses.

    The match looks doomed from the get go.

    After the wedding, the daughter was called on to visit her mother. Her mother has some advice to give to her daughter. She starts with calling her husband names and ends with the same, sprinkling random words of caution about her son-in-law in between. 

    The mother doesn’t seem enthusiastic about her own marriage and advises the daughter to advise caution against her husband and father. In the mother’s mind, nothing good seems to ever come out of a marriage. She also feels offended by her daughter’s complete lack of moroseness on the occasion of the betrothal. 

    How bad would it look to the community- a child not crying! As if the daughter never loved her parents in the first place and is happy to leave them

    Yesterday that ugly balding nitwit – your father, I mean -decided to play the joker. He handed me a shot glass. I thought it was wine, but it was vinegar and herring oil instead.

    You didn’t weep once; what’s there to be so happy about? Everyone must have thought that you are happy to be leaving your parents. That’s how it looks.

    A husband is never going to give you sound or sensible advice. He’s just going to do whatever suits him best. Don’t listen to your father either.

    I hope he swells up till he can’t move!

    The daughter left to see her father soon after. There was plenty of advice to be had there as well. A little more laid back than the mother, the father began with a lot of praise for Nazariev. 

    He then mentioned the vast amount of dowry he had to give him for the marriage, then warned about husbands never having their best interests in mind and finally closing with how untrustworthy his wife and any mother-in-law in the world was.

    Hear your mother out, sweetie, but be careful. She’s nice enough but no less of a double-dealing, flighty, namby-pambyish unbeliever for all that. Her advice can’t compare to that of your father, the very author of your being.

    What does your husband love? Your personality? Your kindness? Your tender feelings? None of that! He loves your dowry.

    Husbands don’t take to their mothers-in-law. I detested mine so much I put burnt cork in her coffee.

    A father comes first – always! Don’t listen to anyone else.

    Nazariev comes to meet his betrothed soon after. He begins with how much he had missed her and then goes on with a lengthy rant about her parents having duped him by not offering the amount of dowry as promised initially. 

    Also, that her father had not disclosed his correct rank before the betrothal, he is adamant to bring her parents to heel.

    That was before the wedding. You don’t need to be a prophet to figure out what happens after.

    Before the Wedding: Review and My Thoughts

    What’s fun about this story is its relevance to our times. It doesn’t seem like much has changed about the perception of mothers-in-law over the last century and a half. 

    The mother hates the father, and the father doesn’t seem to respect the mother. The husband seems to care only about the money and the wife is almost clueless. 

    What was consistent in the message was that her parents, who were at loggerheads with each other, lacked trust in the institution of marriage. Both the parents caution her about trusting her husband too much. No one would love her the way they would. After all, parents love their kid for who they were, unlike the husband, who was in it for his own personal gain – dowry in their case. 

    Of course, the main thing he had on for the discussion when the husband came was how he had been duped on the dowry.

    Chekhov’s message for you here – married or not – Proceed with caution.

  • A Little Joke by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Analysis

    A Little Joke by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Analysis

    This is the time of the year when love is everywhere, absolutely everywhere! 

    You just can’t miss the red roses, the greeting cards lining up the aisles everywhere you go. You might also be getting those subtle hints from your partner, your love interest, in anticipation of the gifts they are expecting, come the 14th of February! 

    What if they say that you will be given a joke instead – a joke that will stay with you the rest of your life.

    A Little Joke by Anton Chekhov is not your typical love story. The story is one of his earlier works, published back in 1886. It is also available as part of a short story collection called Fifty Two Stories published by Alfred A Knopf, translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky.

    A Little Joke: Summary and Plot Analysis

    The story opens with an unnamed young man and a young woman named Nadezhda Petrovna on a bright winter noon. The unnamed man, who is also the narrator of the story, tries to persuade the woman to slide down the mountain with him. The woman is petrified at the prospect and disagrees, but after multiple requests from the man, agrees to do so.

    As they sled and are mid-air, the man whispers, ‘I love you Nadya’. They finally sled to the bottom and come to a halt. Nadya is completely harrowed from such a scary experience and vows never to do it again.

    I wouldn’t do that again for anything. Not for anything in the world! I nearly died!

    It’s not long after she starts wondering if he had said anything of the sort. She looked at the man’s face for clues that might reveal more, but there was nothing to be found. She wondered if nothing was said, and she imagined it all. 

    The riddle obviously troubles her. Were those words spoken or not? Yes or no? Yes or no? It’s a question of pride, honor, life and happiness.

    She is visibly disturbed by her cluelessness on the matter. The man offers to take her home. She declines. Determined to find out the truth for herself, against her better judgment, she asks the narrator if they could sled again.

    I… I like sledding. Can we do it one more time?

    They sled again, and the same thing is repeated. She is in agony and wants to know the truth. It still evades her. They retire for the day. Nadya leaves a note for the narrator that if he goes sledding, she would like to tag along.

    If you go sliding down the hill for me, will you take me along?

    They go sledding again, and the same incident is repeated. Nadya doesn’t have a clue if those words are actually being said or she has been imagining it all. But that doesn’t matter to her anymore.

    She soon gets used to the phrase, as to wine or morphine. She can’t live without it. True, to go flying down the hill is as frightening as before, but now fear and danger lend a special allure to the words of love, words that constitute as much of a riddle as before and torment her soul.

    Winter fades away, and Nadya is visibly sad now since neither the wind nor the narrator will be around to say those magical words to her, the latter on account of his long-term move to Petersburg. 

    Years pass by, and the narrator reveals that Nadya is now married with children, and he is still not sure why he chose to joke with her.

    As for me, now that I am older, I no longer understand why I said those words, why I was joking…

    The readers are left wondering if it was actually a joke.

    A Little Joke: Review and My Thoughts

    If you ask me, I would call it a load of bollocks. No way! It could not have been a joke. But that is the die-hard romantic in me having a knee-jerk reaction.

    Note to self: Calm down, tiger! Let’s try to be as logical as we can be.

    The guy observes Nadya closely and is able to see the whole spectrum of emotions on her face. 

    Strike one.

    He knows what to say to make her feel happy when seeing her in pain. 

    Strike two.

    After years apart, he still thinks about her and their time together when they were young, eons ago. There you have it.

    Strike three.

    But the funny thing is being right about this (in my head) doesn’t make me happy. There is a lot of pain and regret about leaving things unsaid. The dark clouds of what – if is not something I would want hovering over my head for the rest of my life.

    Would you?

    Moral of the story: use your words. Enunciate. Life is loads of fun that way.

  • Reading by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Review

    Reading by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Review

    Reading means a lot! A whole lot! Read, and you’ll see at once how sharply your horizons change. And you can get hold of books anywhere.

    This excerpt from Chekhov’s short story Reading is a hilarious take on reading and people’s perception about this habit. The story is one of his earlier works, published in 1884. It is also available as part of a short story collection called Fifty Two stories published by Alfred A. Knopf, translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky.

    Reading: Summary and Plot Analysis

    The story opens in a government office where Impresario Galamidov and bureau chief Semipalatov are discussing the art and beauty of Russian actresses. 

    Semipalatov seems to be smitten by one particular young actress and is virtually speechless when he is interrupted by the office clerk, Merdyaev, to sign some official documents. Put off by the sudden interruption, he instead starts ridiculing the ignorance of this man.

    You said we no longer have any Gogolian types… But here you see! Isn’t he one? Scruffy, out at the elbows, and look how he writes! Illiterate, like a cobbler! Just look!

    Galamidov, taking a quick look at those papers, concludes that Merdyaev does not read much and suggests he picks up the habit to do so. After all, books are easy to get and open horizons. 

    He even offered to bring some to the office, which he did the next day. Merdyaev was handed a book to read; he was anxious from the very beginning.

    His crossed eyes shifted anxiously and seemed to be looking for help from the objects around him.

    The old office accountant Budylda tried to console him and offered some friendly advice regarding this Semipalatov mandated reading business. He advised that the clerk read just about enough to keep the chief off his back but warned against the repercussions of much involvement in the clever stuff.

    Read a little, and then, God grant, he will forget, and you can drop it. Don’t be afraid. And above all, Don’t get involved in it… Read but don’t get involved in this clever stuff.

    Merdyavev tried and tried but couldn’t make anything of it. On an encounter with the chief one day, he froze upon being asked to give a synopsis of what he had read. 

    The chief was not impressed and implored him to re-read other office folks to pick up books and begin reading. Almost everyone went along with the request except for the accountant, Buldylda. He was having none of it.

    No, excuse me, Your Excellency, I’d sooner take my retirement. I know what comes of some of these critiques and writings. On account of them, my older grandson calls his own mother a fool right to her face and gulps milk all through Lent. Excuse me sir!

    After repeated tries of making sense of the book given to Merdyaev, feeling helpless, the accountant asked to put in a request to the chief on his behalf to excuse him from reading.

    I’ll pray to God eternally for you! Ask his excellency to excuse me… I can’t read. I read day and night, don’t sleep, don’t eat… My wife’s worn out from reading aloud to me, but , God, strike me dead, I understand nothing! Do me this great service!

    Budylda tried doing that multiple times, but it just didn’t work. Semipalatov continued reproaching the staff for their ignorance until one fine day, Merdyaev showed up in the office, completely distraught, sobbing and asking for an apology for making counterfeit money and throwing a baby down a well.

    Semipalatov, confused, asked Budylda about such behavior and was told that the reading drove him insane.

    Merdyaev recovered but not completely. And to this day, he trembles and turns away from the sight of books.

    Reading: Review and My Thoughts

    The story is an absolute delight. A story on reading itself, how fascinating!

    I loved every character in the story, Semipalatov for his relentless pursuit of making his staff more art-friendly, and Budylda for his wisdom in doing and advising others to do just the opposite of that. 

    Merdyaev, for being the scared rabbit who went through hell and high water to avoid reading and finally freeing the whole office of the curse of reading. If not for him, their office would still be eventful. It would still have life.

    If I were to pick up my favorite quote from the story, it would have to be Galamidov saying:

    Reading means a lot! A whole lot! Read, and you’ll see at once how sharply your horizons change. And you can get hold of books anywhere.

    I am sure you have read this or heard this in some form or the other from someone in your life. Books are a whole new world and a perfect fit for a creature you seldom see at parties. When you do, in a corner glued to the only person they know from the lot or their cellphones, pretending to monitor social media feeds while actually scrolling through stories. 

    More often than not, this creature, when awake, is found cuddling books when not reading them.

    You might be that creature, and his story seems to be dedicated to you.

    To me, it felt like Chekhov speaking to his readers, donning Galamidov’s form in the story. Still, unlike Semapalatov’s staff, we are not complaining. 

  • An Educated Blockhead by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Analysis

    An Educated Blockhead by Anton Chekhov: Summary and Analysis

    I don’t know about you, but I have had the privilege of seeing many of these creatures over the years—more than I would like. 

    Having said that, I think I have the full potential to be one, too; I have proven to myself on occasions that I might be worthy of the crown. Hopefully, that is something that never happens to me. 

    But even if it does, I am happy that Slopsov from Anton Chekhov’s short story ‘An Educated Blockhead’ would be there to cushion my fall.

    This excerpt is from Chekhov’s short story ‘An Educated Blockhead’ and is one of his earlier works, published way back in 1885. It is also available as part of a short story collection called Fifty Two stories published by Alfred A Knopf, translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky.

    An Educated Blockhead: Summary and Plot Analysis

    The story opens with Arkhip Slopsov, a retired second Lieutenant, trying to read what seems like a court summons signed by a judge, Pyotr Sixwingsky. 

    As soon as he sees the judge’s name, who happens to be a friend, Slopsov discounts what he is reading, assumes that he is being invited, and continues to believe so even after his brother-in-law, Lieutenant Nitkin explains that it is actually a court order and not an invitation. After all, Sixwingsky is a friend; how could he ever qualify to judge him?

    He’s summoning you to court as the accused… He’s putting you on trial

    Me, is it? Pss.. the milk hasn’t dried on his lips yet; who’s he to put me on trial… Small fry… He’s just doing that as a joke.

    How can he judge me if we’ve played cards and drunk and done devil knows what else together? What kind of a judge is he anyway? Ha-ha! Petka- a judge- Haha!

    Nitkin tries to explain the gravity of the situation to Slopsov, that he might be incriminated and punished, but Slopsov doesn’t understand. He advises Slopsov not to go to the hearing so, he and his judge friend both are saved from the embarrassment, but Slopsov is hearing none of it. 

    Sixwingsky is a friend, after all, a godfather to his son. The hearing is nothing but a farce in his mind.

    No, why in absentia? I’ll go and see how he is going to judge it. I’m curious to see what kind of judge he’s become – Incidentally, I haven’t visited him for a long time.

    On the day of the hearing, Slopsov presents himself. Sixwingsky is visibly embarrassed but continues with the proceedings. The victim Grigory Vlasow is asked to provide an account of the event, and it looks very much like Slopsov actually did commit the offence. 

    Slopsov, however, when asked if he was guilty, still takes it as a joke. Frustrated, the judge calls for a quick recess and convinces Slopsov to stay back and let him pronounce his judgement in absentia. 

    Slopsov reluctantly agrees. The judge comes back happy about having avoided a scandal and a fair sentence – one that required Slopsov to pay a fine to the victim. Slopsov is flabbergasted. The least he was expecting was for the victim to be locked up.

    Me.. Pay Grishka.. Ten roubles?! Are you crazy?

    You fined me ten roubles, but for how many days are you going to keep Grishka in lockup?

    So, it’s still the good old days, is that it? You beat Grishka, and Grishka should be arrested! Amazing logic! Do you have any notion of today’s legal procedures?

    The judge ended up paying the victim on Slopsov’s denial, and they went for lunch together at his house. The topic comes up again, and Slopsov, drunk this time, asks again if Vlasov would be locked to avoid lodging any further complaints against Slopsov.

    The judge and Nitkin attempt explaining again, but to no avail.

    Slopsov’s opinion of Sixwingsky is set.

    He is a good man, educated, ever so obliging, but.. Unfit! He doesn’t really know about judging… It’s a pity, but we’ll have to unselect him for the next three-year term.

    Here, you need a man of rank and substance.. So that you know, he instills fear, but they just perched some Nobody up there – go on Judge!

    An Educated Blockhead: Review and My Thoughts

    Slopsov shone as a complete moron in the story. Foolhardy, entitled, freeloading, judgemental brat! I began to think how a person like Sixwingsky (references to Seraphim, the angel of the highest rank) would ever come to be friends with a person like Slopsov. 

    They are polar opposites. He doesn’t listen to reason. At all. From anyone. He can punish anyone he likes, whichever way he likes, for no reason whatsoever, without any regard to repercussions. 

    To him, the entire justice system is a joke. And not just that, his friend, the judge too. He is quick to forget the judge’s help but not so agile when it actually comes to understanding why he did what he did. In his mind, however fair, qualified, well-meaning a judge is, he is useless if he doesn’t instill fear. Fear equates to the proper judgement.

    Slopsov, true to your name, you are a Certified Blockhead.